Dear Mr. Peever,

Thank you very much for your letters. The Discovery Channel welcomes all types of feedback from its dedicated fans and seriously considers all recommendations. However, at this time we are unfortunately not able to honour your numerous requests and will not be expanding our famous Shark Week.

While the prospects of "Shark Month" and "Shark Semester" are enticing, we still feel that well-rounded and informative programming is more conducive to our mission. Your subsequent request of a "Shark Fortnight" was an improvement, but we're still confident that one week out of the year devoted entirely to sharks is enough.

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Aaron Peever  from University of Toronto

154 likes

It's been far too long since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds here!

Hey man, remember those two weeks during spring semester when your mom's house got foreclosed and she had to stay with us? Every time the two of you were gone, I'd rummage through her hamper and smell her panties. In all seriousness dude, your mom is smokin' hot.

James Carter, University of Minnesota

I went to a Jewish law school, and every October we had crazy days off for Jewish holidays. One year we lucked out with 3 consecutive weeks off, so a bunch of us decided to take a cruise. One of the guys who decided to invite himself along was just a straight-up douchebag... one of those people who argues just for the sake of arguing, is always trying to prove someone wrong, just an arrogant son of a bitch. He wasn't really anyone's friend, and by day 3 of the 7-day cruise, everyone (and not just the law school ppl) was fed up with him. A bunch of us were sitting around that night and someone made a comment that they wished this a-hole would get lost on the island tomorrow and not make it back to the ship. We all sort of looked at each other and had an "aha!" moment. Every night, the ship staff slipped itinerary under our doors about the next day's location: weather, things to see, and most importantly, when the ship was leaving port. And we all know that if you miss the boat, you're shit outta luck and have to find your own way to the next port of call. So the plan was casually work the wrong departure time into the conversation the next morning and keep repeating it. As everyone showed up to breakfast one by one, we made a point of saying that the time changed from 5:00 to 6:00. Knowing he was sunburned and couldn't stay out in the sun, we told him we were spending the day at the beach. He came with us, but after 3 hours of watching us swim and play volleyball, he headed back into town. We reminded him to be back by 6 and let him go on his merry way. Long story short, he had to pay his own way from the British Virgin Islands to Antigua and meet the ship there the next day. When he asked how we all made it back on time, we told him we got bored at the beach and went back early and just assumed we'd see him later. He never mentioned it, but we all think he found out that we messed with him, but was too arrogant to call us on it for fear of being wrong. Douchebag.
Dorian F, A Jewish Law School

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Jeff Rosenberg  from NYU

31 likes

What is turkey bowling?  Why are we writing about it?  No?  FINE! I'll tell you.  Turkey bowling is a "sport" practiced by bored grocery store employees in their off hours.  Imagine bowling but instead of a ball you use a frozen turkey and instead of pins you use 2 liter soda bottles.  If your grocery store is particularly cool they might even set up blacklights and have a Galactic Turkey Bowling night.  Turkey Bowling is so popular that the leader of the free world - for a few more days, at least - took a shot at it back when he was on the campaign trail.  President Bush bowled an impressive 9. 

The folks over at "10 Items of Less" dared the CH staff to Turkey Bowl and try to beat GWB's score.  We were all amazing at it, obviously, but only one of us stood above the rest.  So I ask you this, who do you think won? 

The Athletes

• Jake
• Sarah
• Amir
• Streeter
• Dan
• Pat
• Jeff

We'll pick a random commenter who guesses correctly and send them a MyStErY PrIzE!!!1!
View Article Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by CH Staff

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Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by AmazingSuperPowers

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Every January First, each of the last 50 years, as well as the next 10 years, gather to celebrate and give a proper send off to the year that was. The time is 11:40, and the party is in full swing. 1959 is on the balcony, warding off cancer and other minor diseases by enjoying a smooth Pall Mall. Just as he does every year, 1969 is rocking an Iggy Pop and The Stooges T-shirt while hitting on every chick he sees by reminding them about the moon landing, but eventually striking out because he looks like Charles Manson. The '70s are all blowing massive quantities of blow, except for 1973, who's late because he ran out of gas. He'll show up later with the Chinese years. 1984 is sitting by himself in a corner, staring at everyone and creeping them out. 2012 keeps pissing everyone off by handing out fliers predicting the end of the world and his movie's opening weekend box office numbers. 1999 is still in a bunker, hoping to survive lame Y2K jokes. The DJ hasn't played anything but Dylan. No one seems to mind. The party is great until things suddenly get awkward when 2009, drunk off his ass, finally decides to confront 2008.

2009: Hey 2008, can I talk to you for a second?
2008: Sure, what's up.
2009: Dude, seriously, all I wanna say is, what the hell?
2008: What's wrong?
2009: What's wrong?! You're pretty much the biggest year ever, that's what's wrong! How can I possibly follow you?
2008: Oh come on, I wasn't that huge.
2009: Are you kidding?! You had everything! A huge economic crisis, a record shattering Olympics, the biggest election of our lifetime, The best Super Bowl ever, one of the biggest movies ever, you got Lil Wayne to release an actual album, and then, as if you didn't have enough going on, you get an Israeli-Palestinian conflict! Plus 2007's still upset about you upgrading his iPhone. Not cool. Not cool at all.
2008: So I was a big year, what can I say?
2009: Chinese Democracy for chrissake! Chinese Democracy! There was supposed to be legitimate democracy in China before Chinese Democracy, but you just had to have it.
2008: Relax 2009, you'll have tons of great stuff.
2009: Like what?
2008: The start of the Obama Administration, so you know there's going to be an international crisis, the Arrested Development movie, Watchmen will be huge! Don't worry, it'll be OK.
2009: Please, don't patronize me, Mitchel Hurwitz hasn't even started writing the Arrested Development movie, Watchmen's release date is in a legal battle now, and the only Obama news anyone will care about is the recession.
2008: Well I don't know what to tell you.
2009: Apologize for clock-blocking everyone.

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Conor McKeon  from Rhode Island

340 likes

I think it's safe to say that many college students, particularly those under 21 and without a fake ID, experience heavy amounts of boredom while at home or at a relative's house over Christmas Break. Aside from the first few days home where you sleep 18 hours of the day, the 10 exhilarating minutes of opening a dwindling amount of presents each year, and the few parties with your high school friends, you end up with several hours with absolutely nothing to do. I've developed three activities to carve away at some of the remaining hours between now and when you return to college, aside from the basic lame time wasters such as reading a book, watching the same stupid Christmas movies, or bonding with family you haven't seen in years.

 

(Note: All are tried and true.)

Start a political argument with the relative that holds the strongest beliefs: Every family has that one uncle/aunt that is absolutely entrenched in his/her beliefs, and argues blindly for his/her points without even considering opposing arguments. This is the relative that will change you from being bored into fearing for your life, which is a good way to pass the time. Start out with a small little poke to get them started and then just build their anger from there. Say for example Uncle Randy is in town from Detroit. Just make a little comment such as "it's a shame the government decided to bailout those doomed U.S. automakers" and watch the fun begin. Uncle Randy will then launch into a tirade about how the automakers are a pillar of the economy and their collapse could launch us into a second Great Depression, and you get hours of entertainment from telling someone exactly what they don't want to hear.

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Tommy  from Boston College

58 likes

.hl_name{font-weight:bold;}  Kevin Corrigan: I'm tired of making resolutions I can't keep. I resolve that I'm absolutely not going to go to the moon unless space travel becomes really affordable or I win a contest.Amir Blumenfeld: Lose Weight, Managing Debt, Save Money, Get a Better Job, Get Fit, Eat Right, Get a Better Education, Drink Less Alcohol, Quit Smoking, Now Reduce Stress Overall, Reduce Stress at Work, Take a Trip, Volunteer to Help Others, Holiday and New Year Health-e-Cards.
Jake: You clearly plagiarized that from a resolutions website.Jeff Rubin: I resolve to meat new people, I've been getting bored of throwing steaks at the same friends.Conor McKeon: To finally get over the rough patch in my current relationship, and accept the fact that my girlfriend doesn't want to shave down there.Jeff Rosenberg: TO STOP MAKING MY GRANDMOTHER TRANSCRIBE ALL OF MY JOKES PERIODDan Gurewitch: I resolve to stop playing God with insects. I'm still going to torture and kill them in cruel and creative ways, but it will no longer be part of a larger plan.Andrew B: I resolve to drink champagne and watch Ryan Seacrest count down from 10 more than once a year. In other words, become the classiest Ryan Seacrest stalker ever.Jake Hurwitz: I resolve to be a better actor, stop talking with a gay lisp, not be a sell out, and everything else the commenters ask of me. Thanks so much guys! I take all of your criticism to heart!!!Sarah Schneider: This year, I resolve to experiment more with my boyfriend. For instance, what happens when you combine radon, boron and tellurium inside a butthole?Jason Michaels: My New Year's resolution is to stand up for myself. Unless you think that's stupid, then I can think of another one.Streeter Seidell: I resolve to rely less on technology.

Sent from my iPhoneRicky Van Veen: Harder core pornography.Steve E: I would like to spend more time with family and friends who have passed away. I f***ing love cemeteries.Susanna Wolff: 1024 x 768 pixels. Also, buy a new TV. View Article Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Susanna Wolff  from Columbia

205 likes

Closer you get to kissing that girl you like
Guys who kissed that girl you like
Knowledge of the lyrics to "Auld Lang Syne"
Noise
Actual words heard
"I mean, like, if you don't find anyone, and I don't find anyone, want to just like, I mean, whatever, it's New Year's."
View Article Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by CH Staff

109 likes

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Kevin Corrigan  from Rowan

177 likes

#10

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Kevin Corrigan  from Rowan

236 likes

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Jason Michaels  from University of Illinois

277 likes

#20

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Kevin Corrigan  from Rowan

122 likes

View Article Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Caldwell Tanner

574 likes

Jesus:

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Brian Murphy

165 likes

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Brian Murphy

204 likes

Keep Reading Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Jeff Rosenberg  from NYU

496 likes

Lardo plus liquid nitrogen plus the ever campy culinary term blitzing produces one of our favorite powders to date: powdered lardo. The process enables us to create an extremely light and airy product which adds richness to dishes in a delicate manner. We have also just spooned the powdered lardo high on grilled toast and indulged in the decadence. When summer returns we may add some tomatoes to the toast though for now the lardo paired with Nantucket Bay scallops is a match we thankfully found.

I didn't think up the title of this post.

It came to me indirectly from the executive chef. I don't think he had any idea how meaningful it would be to me but, it's a damn good title and I'll attempt to do it right..

I came to New York knowing that it could support me with the energy, dynamism, and happiness that has been slowly leaking out of my life if I could muster up at least a little effort and courage in return.

It's been a long time since I've been on my own.

It's not fun changing countries, starting new jobs, making new friends, and ending frayed relationships. When I look at other people my age in their mid 30's who are settled with children and houses and well into careers with nice retirement plans I sort of want to put my face in my hands and cry.

Either that or pick up a cleaver and chop down the chain bone of something twice my size.

I dove head first into a New York 3 Michelin star kitchen culture that perhaps wasn't the best place for a woman, going through what I'm going through, to be in.

Why? Because your head needs to be in the game and your spirit needs to exude self confidence. But when all you feel like inside is a human construction site, walking into a competitive unforgiving environment is a little akin to smashing beer cans against your head over and over.

How can I organize a station if I can't even organize my life right now? How can I react to command when my inner voice of doubt and worry is drumming out the chef's outer voice? How can I cook anything right when everything in my life is wrong?

How am I going to get through this?

I pretty much wanted to quit after the first month. I thought: the executive chef's a jerk, I hate the people I work with, I don't fit in here, garde manger is stupid, the sous chef's don't do shit beside criticizing everything, the guys are competitive for no reason, I'm here to cook fish and I'm a year away from getting to the line.

and...

I want to be where people know me and know what I'm capable of – not where I have to prove myself. I'm tired of proving myself. And further more, I don't have the energy to prove myself.

So I dragged myself and I'm sure everyone around me through a grueling first three months at the garde mange station.

I prepped salads, sauces, gelées, cold fish plates. I Diced cucumbers and jalapenos till I never wanted to see either vegetable again. I Plated smoked salmon, raw salmon, hamachi, kampachi, and bluefin till my hands could go through the motions effortlessly while my mind wondered back to it's dark 'why am I here?' place .

I whipped green cilantro foams (still something that never turns out right by my hand) and seaweed soysauce glazes. And the whole time it felt like moving mountains, not like creating fragile art.

My mantra bounced back and forth between: 'f all of you' and 'I don't care'. Neither of these two being healthy to meditate on. Especially not for 12 hours a day.

I'd be a liar if I said that nobody noticed I wasn't focused.

It took me a little while to realize, and yes a good long heart to heart with the executive chef too, that really I'm the one who needs to pull it together. I was hired to do a job and do it perfectly regardless of my personal life or the dynamics at work. And out of this conversation I re-found my backbone which had started to disintegrate

and...

that the executive chef is really a great leader, the sous chef's are talanted, I sincerely like the people I work with, garde manger is perfect for me because I need better knife skills, I can be competitive too without being a bitch, and I do want to prove myself.

And just as I was beginning to feel the cloud of doom clear from my mind the executive chef sent me to the fish pass (which momentarily clouded me again) and then to a sunny short vacation in the salon, and now on canapés...

Where: FOR THE FIRST TIME I STAND ALONE

(you knew I'd weave this back in somehow didn't you?)

The canapé station, or amuse bouche station, is a little like a life raft bobbing on the tumultuous high seas without a tow in site. In other words you're all by yourself and you either sink or swim. I have seen quit a few cooks flounder and fall off this boat only to find themselves flung back to the mainland (garde manger) until given a second chance to prove themselves.

I have witnessed several cooks sent home for a plethora of innocent yet amateur mistakes: soup not hot enough, wrong bread used for the croutons, or shortage of mise en place.

So when I got to this station all I could think of was: I don't want to be sent home. I'm over 30 years old not 12 and if I get sent home I'm going to be very, very, very upset.

But here's the thing: it's really hard to cook something right when you are terrified of cooking something wrong. It makes you not trust your own judgement. It makes organization difficult. Ah heck, it just takes the fun out it in general and creates an atmosphere where success seems unobtainable and being set up for failure a certainty.

I kept telling myself: I have nothing to loose. There is nothing more in my life left to loose and there is everything, everything to gain.

And it's just an amuse bouche for goddsake. It's not rocket science or quantum physics or computer technology or anything requiring a PhD. Jeez: it's just food!

Furthermore, I absolutely adore amuse bouches. They are beautiful mini meals in a single bite that set the tone for the menu to come. And anyone who downplays the significance of a canapé or amuse bouche has never truly experienced one before.

They are little suprises. Even when they are expected they are still a surprise because you don't know what it will be until it arrives. I love that.

My first few days at the canapé station were cake. I got to work with a girlfriend of mine who was on her way out (to move back to L.A.) and she showed me how to get organized, set up the station, hide the pots and pans needed for service early in the afternoon, and load up on extra mise en place.

We had a lot of fun working together. It could have been called the gossip station instead of the canapé station because that's really all we did in between spooning lobster into tiny cups, squeezing hot foams, and yelling "pick up canapé!".

We had good time. Something that had been missing for me at work.

Then she left and it was all up to me.

My canapé for my first day alone was simple enough: a truffled celriac soup with lobster and a gorgeous bright red sauce Americain foam on the top. I followed the instructions I was given to make the soup, but when I blended it, it was border-line too thin. I got chastised for it, but not sent home.

Had I done the soup the way I knew how to this would not have been a problem. Had I trusted my own instincts this would not have happened. And then getting blamed for not following common sense like: remove the celeriac cubes from the broth before blending and add the broth in little by little until the right consistency is acheived feels even stupider.

Lesson learned: trust instincts. Then you have no one to blame but yourself.

The service went fine. I didn't run out of anything, I enjoyed talking to the servers as they picked up the plates, and I sincerely enjoyed being responsible for my very own island.

In fact, I prefer to be in charge of my very own island.

"Pick up canapé!!!"

"The window paper is finally down (after what seems like years) at Ignazio's under the Brooklyn Bridge: http://twitpic.com/zw25." So sayeth Savory Cities' Chris McBride in a tweet sent to the Eater blog.

Not years per se. But the place was first reported on by the Brooklyn Eagle August 2007.

I had thought it just ran into money troubles and halted its opening. But it does look like there are tables set up in there. We'll see.

Ignazio's Pizza

4 Water Street, Brooklyn NY 11201 (under the Brooklyn Bridge; map)

"The window paper is finally down (after what seems like years) at Ignazio's under the Brooklyn Bridge: http://twitpic.com/zw25." So sayeth Savory Cities' Chris McBride in a tweet sent to the Eater blog.

Not years per se. But the place was first reported on by the Brooklyn Eagle August 2007.

I had thought it just ran into money troubles and halted its opening. But it does look like there are tables set up in there. We'll see.

Ignazio's Pizza

4 Water Street, Brooklyn NY 11201 (under the Brooklyn Bridge; map)